One of the things I admired most about my mom was that she was kind, but not a pushover. Reflecting on her life, she bucked conventional wisdom if it got in the way of her gut feeling. Here are five examples of the extraordinary ways Marge was ahead of her time:
On Body Image
Marge was, let’s say, – curvy. She didn’t try to be a size 2. She found humor, love, and beauty in being (as her mother put it) “big boned.” It was a running joke with her brother Artie that when she’d get a new dress, he’d quip, “oh, they didn’t have your size?” She made a decision early on to accept and love her body. She never starved herself or followed the crowd. Leave it to Marge to find the pluses in being a plus size.
On Gay Marriage
I’ll never forget the night when I went to my 80-something-year-old parents to break the news that my son, Richie, came out in his freshman year of college. They both stared at me with something like an ancient wisdom. Marge said, “that doesn’t make one bit of difference to us and we love him just the way he is.” And, if you know my parents, they became LGBT activists the minute they knew one of their grandsons was gay. I still marvel at their grace and I was so blessed that Marge made it to Richie and Ryan’s wedding celebration a few weeks ago.
On Guilt
Marge was never big on guilt. As a matter of fact, to anyone who didn’t make it to her "life-well-lived" celebration, she would be the first to say, “go and have a wonderful time. Live your life!” Mom knew that guilt was a joyless endeavor that served no one. So, while others ran as fast as they could to leave home, we all couldn’t wait to reunite for Marge’s famous Thursday night dinners. There, we’d laugh as a family and before we knew it, we were joined for dessert by our neighborhood family – Rosemary, Gary, and George. No matter the topic of conversation or how much banana cream pie we had, guilt was off limits in Marge’s house.
On Environmental Issues
Marge would recycle…to a fault. She reused some questionable Styrofoam and plastic plates that were way past their prime. She kept coffee can lids as spoon rests, was mesmerized by restaurant to-go containers, and squirreled away Tupperware like rare antiquities. For all the times we laughed at her frugality, the truth is that Marge loved and respected the earth. She never squandered anything that could last a little longer and she took delight in growing tomatoes and talking to her plants. Part of this was because she was a child of the depression but part of it was because she knew her children would one day inherit the planet.
On Feminism
As the mother of four daughters, mom quickly realized that she had to be an example of strength and dignity in an unjust world. It was kind of shocking (and hilarious) to find a letter from 1972 where Marge resigned her position because she wasn’t “paid anything near the most inept man (of whom she could name several).” Being born just two years after women were granted the right to vote, I think Marge was keenly aware that if women were educated, healthy, and had a voice, families would flourish. And hers did.
So, here’s to Marge – In the walk of life, she focused on the scenery and the spring in her step rather than her sore feet. Love you, momma.
