A Wink and a Prayer

I loved my dad’s wink.  He’d charm the waitress or calm the nervous daughter about to walk down the aisle.  He transmitted calming non-verbal support with his wink, a shared conspiracy of understanding and solidarity.

One of the greatest gifts I received was last Saturday afternoon. Something just told me to pop over and see how he was doing. He was diagnosed with cancer about three weeks ago and had opted for no treatment. He just wanted to come home and pass on his own terms.

Although in pain and diminished in his ability to express himself, my dad gave me his trademark wink as I was leaving.  “Be good, Cissybabes,” he told me. “If you can’t be good, be careful.” The nickname, the sentiment, the wink – they all transported me back to when I was 12.

Dad passed away peacefully on Monday afternoon.  I’m so glad I got one last wink of reassurance on Saturday. I’ll treasure it always. 

I Never Saw Him Again

My dad wrote down a lot of his army stories and they are definitely worth sharing.  This one involves a friend and the road not taken:

                   I first met Leonitias in 1938 when we first arrived at Fort Williams, Maine, as raw recruits in the U.S. Army. His name was so hard to pronounce that everyone called him the “Greek.” He was like a caricature, about 5ft 5 inches and weighing about 150 lbs. His feet were so wide that the Army had to order special shoes for him. The Greek’s home was out on Cape Cod where his father owned and operated a restaurant. We became the best of friends and served our entire time together in the 5^th Infantry. He always wanted me to meet his sister, who he claimed was a Greek Goddess.

                   In late 1940, the entire 5^th Infantry was moved to do guard duty on the Panama Canal and the jungle area around the canal. After two years of this hot miserable assignment, the Greek and I were due for discharge, and we made an agreement to re-enlist for the Philippine Islands. The Greek came back to the States on a boat ahead of me and we were supposed to meet at Brooklyn Army Base, where we would re-enlist. When I arrived in Brooklyn, there was no Greek. I waited five days, called his home several times but could not contact him, so I decided to take my discharge and head for home. As it turned out, I know that I was so lucky that I lost the Greek, because had we re-enlisted for the Philippine Islands, there’s a good possibly that we would have become prisoners of Japan, and who knows what. As for the Greek, I never saw or heard from him again.

Bonaventure Cemetery

I was saving this post for Halloween. One of the trips we took on our mom/mom son/son (me, Lisa, Richie and Ryan) road trip earlier this year was to Savannah. Having read Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, I begged my three companions to let me visit Bonaventure Cemetery, which is a few miles out of town. Wow. There is something so breathtakingly beautiful and peaceful about this place.   It’s like walking through an art museum or botanical garden with its gorgeous statuary and iron gates.  Spanish moss drapes dramatically across tall oaks and magnolia trees, adding a mysterious and moody vibe.

Bonaventure Cemetery is full of contradictions.  First, it seems to shun its fame as a tourist destination and keep its old southern dignity in tact.  Also, there is a special comingling of death and life. Among the graves are lush greenery and flowers bursting with color.  Birds yell overhead, mocking the stillness and solitude.

Truly a haunting place to visit.  Happy Halloween.

Boardwalk Bench Encounter

Yesterday I was taking a nice long solo stroll on the boardwalk.  I was mildly surprised when, as I was passing by a bench, a lady said to me, “Hi, can I ask your opinion about something?” I nodded. She told her two companions, possibly her adult children, not to say a word.

“I have a job interview Wednesday,” she began. “I was debating whether I should color my gray hair.” Wow. My heart momentarily stopped. I wanted to help her. What was the appropriate answer here? She saw my hesitation and said, “Just give me your first instinct.”

“Be loud and proud,” I said. “You’re beautiful as you are and that will come through on Wednesday.” She beamed; sat a little straighter and said to her bench mates, “see, I told you.”

I relayed this story to a few people and they said, “I hope you said the right thing; after all, it’s a job interview.” To my mind, the right thing is her being comfortable in her own skin (and hair).  I’d be just as supportive if she wanted to go the Miss Clairol route.  As a wise 13 year old said at her bat mitzvah, “be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

Look for an uncomplicated smile…

If you look hard enough, the world is full of things that offer us a chance to stop and smile. Here are a few I ran into over the past few weeks:

Dog shopping for Halloween decorations.  Need I say more?

Is it my imagination or is this praying mantis looking at me?

Here’s a bride literally getting her feet wet.

Be on the lookout for the simple, beautiful things in this world and remember the words of Confucius:  “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

Wait, what?

We have a beautiful young person in our family who invariably says, “wait… what?” when she doesn’t quite understand something and needs clarification.

I’ve had a few “wait, what” moments this past week.

Are they really putting Christmas stuff out in early October?

I’m always nervous when my GPS tells me to make a u-turn. Wait. You just directed me here. What?

It was a beautiful October day, but it seemed so contrary to see the mums and corn stalk on the boardwalk with the volleyball net and a packed beach in the background.

It's good to know that the universe has a sense of humor.

Almost Quit Guitar

I thought about quitting guitar. I started taking lessons seven or eight months ago. I’m still slow and pretty bad. I hit a lot of wrong notes. I’m not a natural. My rhythm is off.  My timing is atrocious. Did I mention that I’m on Book I, probably with a lot of seven year olds?

I love it.

In honor of Steve Jobs, I think I’ll stay foolish.